I picked up the latest copy of the Spanish version of National Geographic at the weekend because the portada proclaimed features about Alsace in France and Cordoba, here in Spain, both places I know and love. Imagine my surprise when, on flicking through the magazine, I discovered articles about Alava, Teruel, Cuenca, Picos de Europa, Vigo, Alcala de Henares, Tenerife, Andorra, and la Rioja. There were also features on Vienna, Warsaw, Pompei, Dominican Republic, Egypt, and Antarctica.

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Just as I am preparing to apply for Spanish citizenship – deadline end of January – the country is doing its best to put me off going ahead! First of all, two of Spain’s police forces have p**sed me off big-style and on top of that two places have convinced me never to visit again. What’s the story?

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